Tuesday, July 25, 2017

On disappontments and moving forward

For a whole lot of reasons, I think writing is a very special way of release for me. By release, I mean releasing my worries, my doubts, my thoughts, my feelings, and so on and so forth. With writing, I believe you have got to have the strength to be vulnerable. Does that even make sense at all? Whenever I write something very personal to me, I tend to get emotional, and it takes a certain amount of strength to write about things that matter to you deeply, may it be about writing a love letter to someone, or writing something about your life journey that may not be a happy experience at all.


I'm assuming that most of my readers are people I personally know myself, and ifever you are a close friend, most likely I have shared this with you.Just last week,I've had one of the most challenging weeks in my life. I've been trying to make things work to the best that I can , but it gets tiring when your efforts are not appreciated. I am a very sensitive and a hardheaded person, to be honest. But more than that, I think I am innately a nice person. However, I do have my limits. I don't think I could stand people/ situations that make me feel like I am less of a person because they say so or make me feel so. I may not provide the best work out there, but I am a good person at the end of the day. I do not deserve being treated less or being treated unfairly. My mom has been so supportive to me before this incident even happened, and told me that I shouldn't get stressed with such things because I was taking it seriously because I'm not even joking when I say that I was even having random meltdowns in public places . And during the day when I received  a sudden and sad decision, I made sure to make myself a priority. I no longer wanted to tolerate or "tiisin" just to push things or make it work. I have decided at that moment to focus on myself, I no longer cared about the amount of hard work or the money that was spent just for this thing, I just wanted it to end and let go of it. Some of you might think it is a rash, irresponsible, and nakakasayang na moment. But at that moment, I knew it was best for my own sake- for my happiness, and for my sanity haha. Granted, I think I could come back and attempt to make things work again, but that would come at a time when I am ready to do so.  Right now, I am finally looking at things and my life at a different perspective. For such a long while, I thought that by achieving this certain accomplishment, things would be so much easier on my part. And now, I refuse to let this kind of incident define me, or make me feel like I am not enough. I remember watching the Spiderman film weeks ago, and a particular scene really made an impact to me. Ironman was about to take the spiderman suit back, and Spiderman was saying that he was nothing without the suit. What Ironman replied was something like "If you're nothing without the suit, then it shouldn't be yours at the first place." That scene kept on replaying on my mind as this incident happened. I am slowly realizing how important it is not to be totally defined by such incidents or certain accomplishments. It is important to know who you are at the end of the day, and what you believe in.


Life goes on, as they say, I will continue to look for opportunities to make me better, and hopefully lead me to the right path.


Much love,
Nikki


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