Wednesday, January 6, 2016

The year that was 2015

This post is definitely late, since it's already January 6, 2016! I decided to make a year-ender post anyway, just because I felt like I owe it to myself to write a little bit more, and to give myself a reminder of the past year in this blog. Oh, what a year  2015 was. Sometimes, I feel like dramatizing some of the things that I have felt and experienced, and actually deluding myself into thinking that those experiences were painful or  life-changing, but the more I think about it, the more I begin to question if I am just over analysing those things for the benefit of saying that the past year somewhat brought a "tougher" version of myself. To be honest though, on most days, I feel like nothing much happened- I just got a year older and not so much wiser than I had hoped I would be upon reaching a certain age. Maybe it's because I got so focused on the things I badly wanted to happen but didn't happen. But, looking at the past year, I realised that there are some things that have jumpstarted into something that could lead into something better. Meanwhile, there are definitely sad core memories  that I will remember every now and then huhu.

I'll just say this because I really felt like this incident  really defined my past year! During the first month of the year, I was so excited on the prospect of an opportunity that was already in my hands, but I decided to give it up--- An opportunity that could have been, but ended up as nothing. It was one of the most emotionally painful chapters in my life because I tried to justify to myself over and over again why I decided to do what I did.But a part of me is a little happy that I did what I had to do, because I couldn't imagine going through with it. Also, I've learned to embrace the reality that there is a little hardheaded rebel inside me that makes its occurrence felt every now and then.

I've learned to accept that not everything we have in mind goes the way that we planned it out to be, and it's okay. More than that, there are also so many good things that come unexpectedly. For an instance, I was able to go on a trip with my family to Japan!!! I've been dreaming of going to Japan for years, and I just thought of the day that it would happen, and it finally did. I honestly can't wait to go back :))

I've learned to be more thankful during the past year. I still don't have work, but my parents still support me until now and they have encouraged me to pursue  graduate studies during this time of unemployment. Huhu thank you parents forever and ever.

I don't like to make promises or resolutions now, but I do hope that I'll start taking more risks.

Love,
Nikki

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