Saturday, October 29, 2011

Trick or Treat

Something is scarier than halloween.It is frightening in a way that it gives me horror to think about it even if it's not a scary movie, which is one thing that I hate the most. When I was still very young, every time halloween is up, I make it a point not to watch television during that period of time as to not  encounter any  images that would scare every fragment of my childish being.But this scary "thing"  is greater than my perception of scary when I was younger because it  is an evil that corrupts my inner peace of mind.Despite my innate bum mode upon sensing the truth of the matter that there are no classes for a short while, it makes me freak out every time I come to think of it.

I have to admit, this is the first time that I'm going to spend my halloween thinking about academics.I have been receiving quite disappointing grades for a while now.And what makes me more disappointed with myself is that I am the main  culprit of such consequences that I face right now. Everytime I do something, there i s this thought in my head that says anything I do is worthless because the inevitable would happen always.I would only get disappointed with myself and my capabilities. 

This week has been the most stressful week I have ever been since college, believe me.I am the type of person who treasures my passionate commitment to my bed, thus I always make it a point to get more than five hours of sleep , as much as I can. But this week surely tested my strength and endurance to handle all the pressure that is required from a Literature student.I'm not even hardworking as compared to the others, for crying out loud! So I cannot completely decipher as to why I have been forced to break  my engagement with the desired long hours of sleep. (Sigh.) Call me a a sleep whore,  sleep addict,  or whatever, and I don't care because it's the truth.Haha. It's so hard to go to class like a zombie!!!!!!Do professors even realize that students can't function that well in class if they don't get to sleep at all,in my opinion of course.

But far more important than my lack of sleep issue is that I honestly do not know what to make of the coming critical papers that I'm required to do. I can't analyze a collection of poems in less than 5 days and transform it into a substantial work.I have other academic subjects to think of as well.SOmetimes, I feel that too much of the pressure from academics makes me do nothing for a moment. During these moments, I realize that I am not a robot who can function anytime and anywhere. I need relaxation and shopping of course! I don't know if I am also worthy as a student in this program.It seems as if I don't deserve this opprtunity.Oh well, I need to be positive and I should go for the killer to prove my worth.I need to give more effort really since I get distracted A LOT.

Although,I have this quote embedded in my babypad that goes something like," Dedicate a time just to do nothing even just for a short while." I guess another excuse that I ought to give when someone finds me bumming around is the cliche," All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." With an attempt to make this approach feminist in a way, "All work and no play makes Jack and Jill dull children." (hAHA)
I feel sad for my readers for they have to go through with my drama in this blog.Blogging is my way of decreasing my chance to reach the limit of dullness.

And maybe this halloween is a trick rather than a treat for me, after all.

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